Friendships vs Spirituality
After a few weeks of studying in UCSD, I did get the feeling that something felt VERY different from NUS. Even though I made friends with some of the international students, I still never got to know anyone really well, whether they be international students or local students. And somehow, I didn't seem to be able to make friends as easily as in NUS. I had my meals alone most of the time, and it was only the occasional time when I have lunch with some of my friends. I could sense something seemed to be affecting me yet had no idea what it was.
Well, I got my answer yesterday. Early in the morning after my first lecture, I was telling a friend that I didn't have close friends here. Then she asked me how does making friends here work. I realised that as an international student, the key way I made friends was through the activities organised by the International Club here in UCSD. I told this to my friend, but even so, I couldn't help realising that I didn't seem to be close to any of the international students, and I had no idea why.
It was after a lecture later on that I finally got the answer. One of the KEY ways in which I build friendships is through teaching or helping others. I'm not much of a good talker or entertainer, but I put in effort when helping or teaching my friends, and the friends who appreciate are those whom I eventually get to know better and become close to. However, the academic system here in UCSD is such that most students will just ask the lecturer or the TA, and peer-to-peer learning is quite minimal unless one already has friends that one can approach. Suddenly, I felt very much crippled by this realisation.
Through one of my church friends, I got to know a girl involved in International Christian Fellowship. I've started attending the ICF gatherings and also went to a nearby church last Sunday (probably will go there tmr too). However, any close relationship takes time to develop, and I still don't know this girl or any of the ICF people very well, so as of now I'm still not really close to anyone. Thank God for the close friends back home (and those who are now overseas), at least I can still talk to them. But I know that I've yet to find my spiritual support here.
Yet, in the midst of finding friends here, God has made me think about the time I want to spend with Him. I came on this trip wanting spiritual growth and renewal, but maybe I've been spending more time and effort seeking the company of friends than I should have. The friend that I was talking to yesterday morning also gave me some "things to do" that I could do in my spare time. She was telling me that I could do these while I was bored, so I thought it was something self-entertaining, but it turned out it was more things to do that could help me with my spiritual walk. Thanks, but I probably won't be waiting till I'm bored before I do them. :)
Funny how I seemed to have picked the wrong semester to travel overseas... There seems to be A LOT going on while I'm away. I've missed (and will miss) a few 21st birthday celebrations!! :( Plus, a lot of people seem to be organising activities this sem, including CNY gatherings (which reminds me of my Chemistry friends again... argh my mahjong knowledge is going to rot by the time I play my next game), and I suppose there's other stuff to come that I will just have to miss too.
And, most interestingly, people are getting attached! Not that it's surprising, but it's just the timing happens to be when I'm away. I wonder what's going on haha. I was hoping to return to Singapore spiritually ready for a relationship, but I've come to realise that there's a lot I've to face, overcome and accomplish, before I'm even considered ready.
I save this for the next entry, cos I better get back to my assignment and revision for the midterm on Tues.
Well, I got my answer yesterday. Early in the morning after my first lecture, I was telling a friend that I didn't have close friends here. Then she asked me how does making friends here work. I realised that as an international student, the key way I made friends was through the activities organised by the International Club here in UCSD. I told this to my friend, but even so, I couldn't help realising that I didn't seem to be close to any of the international students, and I had no idea why.
It was after a lecture later on that I finally got the answer. One of the KEY ways in which I build friendships is through teaching or helping others. I'm not much of a good talker or entertainer, but I put in effort when helping or teaching my friends, and the friends who appreciate are those whom I eventually get to know better and become close to. However, the academic system here in UCSD is such that most students will just ask the lecturer or the TA, and peer-to-peer learning is quite minimal unless one already has friends that one can approach. Suddenly, I felt very much crippled by this realisation.
Through one of my church friends, I got to know a girl involved in International Christian Fellowship. I've started attending the ICF gatherings and also went to a nearby church last Sunday (probably will go there tmr too). However, any close relationship takes time to develop, and I still don't know this girl or any of the ICF people very well, so as of now I'm still not really close to anyone. Thank God for the close friends back home (and those who are now overseas), at least I can still talk to them. But I know that I've yet to find my spiritual support here.
Yet, in the midst of finding friends here, God has made me think about the time I want to spend with Him. I came on this trip wanting spiritual growth and renewal, but maybe I've been spending more time and effort seeking the company of friends than I should have. The friend that I was talking to yesterday morning also gave me some "things to do" that I could do in my spare time. She was telling me that I could do these while I was bored, so I thought it was something self-entertaining, but it turned out it was more things to do that could help me with my spiritual walk. Thanks, but I probably won't be waiting till I'm bored before I do them. :)
Funny how I seemed to have picked the wrong semester to travel overseas... There seems to be A LOT going on while I'm away. I've missed (and will miss) a few 21st birthday celebrations!! :( Plus, a lot of people seem to be organising activities this sem, including CNY gatherings (which reminds me of my Chemistry friends again... argh my mahjong knowledge is going to rot by the time I play my next game), and I suppose there's other stuff to come that I will just have to miss too.
And, most interestingly, people are getting attached! Not that it's surprising, but it's just the timing happens to be when I'm away. I wonder what's going on haha. I was hoping to return to Singapore spiritually ready for a relationship, but I've come to realise that there's a lot I've to face, overcome and accomplish, before I'm even considered ready.
I save this for the next entry, cos I better get back to my assignment and revision for the midterm on Tues.
posted by Guangrong at
8:17 am
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