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Wednesday, 27 February 2008

The true worth of a godly life

I'm beginning to realise how close my blog updating and my spiritual walk are. My spiritual walk hasn't been well for quite long, and now it's just slowly recovering, which is why I haven't updated my blog for very long. However, feeling encouraged by what a friend put on her blog, I've decided to put this post.

My spiritual walk has been quite bad for several months already. Since I entered NUS last year and began a busy life again, I haven't spent much time on Quiet Time. This was compounded drastically by something else.

People have often held high expectations for those who call themselves "Christians". Yet, even when the people around you are Christians, are they really who they appear to be? Around the time the uni semester started last year, one of my church friends warned me that others had been talking about me behind my back. I've known for quite long that I wasn't very good at mixing with people, but my spiritual walk was something that meant a lot to me. Why was everyone so superficial and just see who I am on the surface? If Christians are superficial, and a spiritual walk doesn't mean much to non-Christians, then who in the world would care about my spiritual walk? What is the true worth of a godly life?

Feeling severely discouraged and disillusioned about being a Christian, I asked God these questions but received no answer. My friend, with good intentions, encouraged me to see things from the more worldly point of view and to try and improve my "worldly status". And so, I began to neglect my spiritual walk, which spiralled downhill. It gradually reached the point where I realised that the decline in my spiritual walk was making my service in the Youth Ministry extremely difficult, so I decided to withdraw from service first.

One thing I've learned about my life: God NEVER answers in the way I expect or hope Him to. During my Science Camp in June, I got to know a Christian friend in my Orientation Group. She was feeling quite alone as she didn't know anyone, and I made a personal resolution to help this sister grow spiritually. I brought her into VCF and over time, she got to know other Christians in her hall. As I sank deeper into the midst of worldly darkness, my friend grew spiritually. Near the end of the semester last year, I spent a lot of time studying for the exams with this friend and a few other friends. I was amazed at how close she was to God and how she exhibited godly character. Others could see the godly character in her and were drawn to her. I began to understand what is the true worth of a godly life. I also realised that God had given me an unexpected answer to my question.

The true worth of a godly life lies in a deep relationship with God that disregards what others think. Being conscious of what others think will only hinder the relationship and make us relate to others with our own strength and temperament. When the relationship with God is deep enough, the character that we exhibit will be the character that God wants us to exhibit. We will still have our personal touch to it because of the unique way God has made us to be, but it'll be a life that honours Him. Of course, there will be people who will still talk bad about us, but not even Jesus was accepted by everyone around Him. A godly life isn't one that everyone accepts (after all you can't please everyone), but it is a life that God accepts (and some others would too).

Now, my spiritual walk is still very weak. Improvement is very slow, but I know that with perseverance and with God, this relationship can grow back to what it used to be, much deeper, much closer, than what it is now.

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