Love, care and resistance
I've always been VERY resistant to sharing, and I only share personal problems to people that I choose to share to (and I am VERY VERYpicky in this aspect!!). Some problems, in fact, I NEVER share to anyone except like 1 or 2 people. Quite strange, considering that I'm someone who usually tries to get others to share their problems. I wonder how much I would open up and share if I met myself as a separate person...
Yet, more recently, I'm also feeling the love of my closer friends more strongly. Some friends can tell I'm having problems through my nick, and some just sms me when they think something may be wrong. It's also a striking reminder of how people think of me behind back my back (ok that sounds very weird... very ego... nvm...) and how much they really care. One of these friends has been facing some problems, but when she saw my nick, she was concerned and asked me how I was (so sad, this sem hardly can talk to her... :( ). At the same time, I've also been talking to her online (I'm REALLY glad she comes online often) and just checking on how she is. I miss the times when we spent more time together in school, but still, I can feel the depth of the friendship and how it goes way beyond just meeting physically. Behind each other's backs, we still care very deeply about each other.
Another of these friends is one whom I've been spending a lot more time with for this sem. On several occasions, she was worried something may be wrong with me, and she would sms or talk to me about some of these things. Most of these were more of her concern and worry than actual problems (or so I feel...), but the extent of care and concern from her has really AMAZED me. It's probably cos I didn't know that she would be so caring about others, especially since I got to know her MUCH better in this sem as compared to previous sems, in which we were more like occasional study buddies. I'm REALLY glad that this sem I got to see and experience a side of her that I never saw a lot of before.
In terms of extent of opening up to these 2 friends, I'm quite comfortable sharing anything to the 1st friend, although usually what I share depends on what comes to mind. For the 2nd friend, I'm still in the process of learning to open up. It's not that I'm becoming more open (that won't change so easily...), but it's the extent of her love and care that I'm beginning to feel, and it is that which is making me open up to her more.
Interestingly, her care for me also allows me an opportunity to see things from the receiver's point of view, instead of the giver's point of view which I've seen so much of. For me though, although many times she worries "wrongly" cos she cares a lot, I still feel the love and care behind that worry. But sometimes when I'm concerned about others in the same way, it sometimes scares them instead... so strange... oh well, I suppose not all people take it the same way.
Yet, more recently, I'm also feeling the love of my closer friends more strongly. Some friends can tell I'm having problems through my nick, and some just sms me when they think something may be wrong. It's also a striking reminder of how people think of me behind back my back (ok that sounds very weird... very ego... nvm...) and how much they really care. One of these friends has been facing some problems, but when she saw my nick, she was concerned and asked me how I was (so sad, this sem hardly can talk to her... :( ). At the same time, I've also been talking to her online (I'm REALLY glad she comes online often) and just checking on how she is. I miss the times when we spent more time together in school, but still, I can feel the depth of the friendship and how it goes way beyond just meeting physically. Behind each other's backs, we still care very deeply about each other.
Another of these friends is one whom I've been spending a lot more time with for this sem. On several occasions, she was worried something may be wrong with me, and she would sms or talk to me about some of these things. Most of these were more of her concern and worry than actual problems (or so I feel...), but the extent of care and concern from her has really AMAZED me. It's probably cos I didn't know that she would be so caring about others, especially since I got to know her MUCH better in this sem as compared to previous sems, in which we were more like occasional study buddies. I'm REALLY glad that this sem I got to see and experience a side of her that I never saw a lot of before.
In terms of extent of opening up to these 2 friends, I'm quite comfortable sharing anything to the 1st friend, although usually what I share depends on what comes to mind. For the 2nd friend, I'm still in the process of learning to open up. It's not that I'm becoming more open (that won't change so easily...), but it's the extent of her love and care that I'm beginning to feel, and it is that which is making me open up to her more.
Interestingly, her care for me also allows me an opportunity to see things from the receiver's point of view, instead of the giver's point of view which I've seen so much of. For me though, although many times she worries "wrongly" cos she cares a lot, I still feel the love and care behind that worry. But sometimes when I'm concerned about others in the same way, it sometimes scares them instead... so strange... oh well, I suppose not all people take it the same way.
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