Church Camp 06 - Living For What Really Matters

Just came back from Church Camp yesterday. The night before Church Camp was Global Day of Prayer, so it feels somewhat like a 6 day camp together. Anyway, this period has been a time of much reflection and meditation for me. Even though the camp schedule was rather packed, I still managed to find pockets of time to reflect on my own life.

I went for the Church Camp wanting spiritual renewal. Also, my life-changing experience during last year's Church Camp made me feel more encouraged to go for it.

During the Church Camp, my discussion group had a time of deep sharing, as it was quite shocking to know that one of my group members was going through a time that was very much similar to what I was going through last year. This friend felt the lack of accountability in the church and couldn't find close friends to share problems with, and was on the verge of leaving church. And all along I thought this friend was mixing around quite well!! Ok, I guess others would probably have thought the same about me before my baptism testimony. But this friend's sharing made me realise the importance of the task that God has given me of reaching out to others around me. It was also very striking because this friend's sharing echoed one of my thoughts last time. It was a passing thought, but this thought was apparently true, even though I never realised it.

It was quite interesting to hear this friend's sharing also because I had been facing the same thing last year, around this very same period. As I went through the camp, much of my thoughts were on what I was facing last year. The camp itself, which was from 5-9 June, overlapped with the period of the Bible Trail night sessions last year, which were from 6-8 June.

The camp also made me think about God's love and my self-esteem. Though the biggest struggle with this happened last year, with me wanting to leave church and even feeling suicidal, what I went through this camp was also a strong reminder of it. During the camp, as we learned about living our lives fully for God, we also learned about the world we lived in, and how the world judges us. It struck me that the years that I had faced of people around me rejecting me had left a deeper scar and impact on my life than I had realised. While the biggest struggle with my self-worth was over, I still tend to be quite judgemental on myself. The camp reminded me of how much we should live our lives for God and depend on His opinion of us instead of the world's opinion of us.

One song that came across very strongly during this camp (and actually it fits the camp quite well too) is Lord I Offer My Life. This was the song that we were singing and also meditating on during our reflection 2 times in the camp. The value of this song and how it had touched me on many times in the past came to me. The song talks about offering my whole life to God, covering many areas and things in life such as what I am ("all that I am"), what I have ("all that I have"), "everything I've been through", "all my regrets", "all my acclaims", my joys and sorrows ("the joy and the pain"), my past ("things in the past"), my future ("things yet unseen"), "wishes and dreams that are yet to come true", "all of my hopes", "all of my plans". This song was espeically meaningful as this was the first Christian song that had a very special meaning to me when I first sung it. On the last night of the camp, as I was reflecting over this song and how it was the first Christian song that struck me so strongly, my whole life flashed across in my mind. The rejection and pain of the past, my coming to church, my life in church, my struggles in church and how I almost left, God keeping me in church, my service to God by reaching out to others; all these flashed through my mind. I was touched by the song, and thinking about the times in the past when this song had touched my life, I broke down and cried.

"Huh? I want to change group! Don't want to be in his (referring to me) group!"
"If God could give me close friends, I would become a Christian." :'(
"I didn't get into Council, I didn't get into House Reps. Life just feels so hopeless." :'(
"Remember that we're always here for you."
"Can you bring me to your church?"
"I'm feeling so stressed! If only there was someone I could talk to!"
"Everyone else has close friends in church except me! I feel so alone! Why do I have to go through this?? Why do I have to face this pain?? WHY???" :'(
"I've endured this long enough. I'll let this be my last week in church."
"Am I just going to go like this without helping myself?"
"I came back to church because I realised that I needed God in my life. I really encourage you to stay on."
"I love You! I love You! Forever I will sing, forever I will be with you."
"God, I just wish You would tell me that You love me."
"You are precious to Me. I love you."
"Our church's Youth Ministry has a track record of many youths leaving our church. Let's pray for these youths that you see before you, that God will keep each and every one of them coming regularly to our church."
"Some are now worshipping in other churches, some are no longer walking with the Lord. Look around you. 30 years down the road, would all of you still be here?"

Lord I offer my life to You
Everything I've been through
Use it for Your glory
Lord I offer my days to You
Lifting my praise to You
As a pleasing sacrifice
Lord I offer You my life