My testimony
My own blog! Finally! :D As a first entry, I'll post my testimony. Though I would have liked it to be my baptism testimony, it was way too long haha. This is my own real life story. Trust me, it wasn't an easy journey to where I am now.
My first exposure to Christianity was in Secondary 1, when a Secondary 4 student brought me to a church gathering. However, he didn’t have time to follow up with me, so it came to nothing. Later on, around Secondary 2 or 3, my sister came to Christ and encouraged me to start going to church, but at that time my heart was closed. Around Secondary 3 or 4, I had some family problems, and at the same time I was feeling quite lonely in school as everybody in school had friends that they could be with, while I was alone most of the time. I had no close friends, I had difficulty finding groups for group work and I felt like an outcast in class. I needed people to talk to yet could find no one. I felt so alone that I would often secretly cry and at times I did feel like life was pointless. Over time, I developed an emotional barrier, confining all my stress and problems within me. However, I remembered what others had told me about how powerful God is and I vowed that if God could give me close friends, I would become a Christian.
When I entered NJC in 2003, I found some new friends in JC 1, and 2 of these friends tried sharing the gospel to me, but my heart was still closed. While in JC1, I applied for Student Council and House Representatives, hoping to find close friends. However, my failure to get into both deeply affected me and I felt really saddened, disappointed and upset. It was during this time that some of these friends stood by me and encouraged me continually over the few months that it took for me to recover from these setbacks. I began to realise that I had found some close friends whom I could really count on. In July 2003, God began reminding me of my vow. I spoke to one of my friends who had tried sharing the gospel with me, and on 20th July 2003, she brought me to The Bible Church, Singapore. It was the start of a new journey. I learned that my reason for coming to Christ wasn’t “correct”, but I realised that God had meant it so. I was also quite amazed that some of the youths had quite a strong love for God, and wondered how they could love Him so much when they couldn’t even see Him.
In December 2003, during the Youth Camp, I realised I had strayed away from God, and rededicated my life to Him. I was also involved in preparation for Watch Night and God touched me with a song “Lord I Offer My Life”, a song that somehow felt really meaningful to me. In March the next year, the youths had a Street Evangelism which I was feeling extremely nervous about. On the day before the activity, one of my JC friends brought me to her church for some youth service. During the service, I went to the front to kneel down. Suddenly, I felt a very strong uncontrollable shivering, and at the same time, I felt a powerful reassurance. I knew that God was giving me comfort for the Street Evangelism on the next day.
Some time later in 2004, my friend stopped joining the youths, which saddened me a little. In September 2004, I was feeling quite stressed over the upcoming ‘A’ Levels. I wanted to talk to someone around my age. However, I couldn’t find someone whom I could talk to. It was then that I began to realise my lack of close friends among the youths. Later on, my parents stopped me from going to church for some time as they wanted me to focus on studying for the ‘A’ Levels. I left church feeling rather stressed.
When I came back in December, God taught me through the Youth Camp about what it meant to truly have faith and trust in Him. I began to realise my lack of faith in Him. Later on, during the Servant-Leader’s Retreat, I committed myself through the Servant-Leader’s Covenant to living out a more godly life.
However, the problems were far from over. I still couldn’t find close friends among the youths, and entering NS in January 2005 without being able to find accountability in camp made it worse. From January to May 2005, my faith gradually tumbled. I felt quite alone, and as I was still having family problems, I couldn’t find anyone to talk to. I cried to God many times in my loneliness. I began to wonder why God had brought me here and why I had to suffer so much pain. There were times again when I did feel that living on was pointless since I had come to know God already. During this period, I saw several youths leave the church and often wondered if I would end up like them.
Around late April to early May 2005, I was so overcome by loneliness and the lack of close friends that I was struggling with myself whether I should stay in church. On 15th May 2005, I decided that I couldn’t take the pain anymore and wanted to leave. I still remember that during the Senior Youth teaching, at one point of time, I stopped listening to the teacher, and just took a look around at all the youths. I wondered if any of them knew that it would be my last week in church, or so I thought. Later on in the day, though, I spoke to some of the youth leaders, including one who had left church before. They encouraged me to stay on, and I did. However, I didn’t know what was going to keep me going. I never expected what God was about to do.
During the May Prayer Meeting, we had a devotion in which we were asked a lot about how much we trusted in God. I realised that I still barely trusted God. After that, we sang the song “You Alone”. As I sang the first 2 lines “You are the peace that guards my heart/My strength in times of need”, I realised how meaningless and untrue these lines were to me as my trust, my peace and my strength lay in friendships, not in God. During the song, as I made this realisation, I knelt down and I broke down. Later on, one of the youth leaders took me out to talk to me. That night, I asked God to give me a genuine faith that depended on and trusted in Him alone.
On 4th June 2005, our church had a 100% Praise and Worship event. God touched me with 2 songs, “Jesus Lover of My Soul” and “Forever”. I was especially touched by the song “Forever” and cried as I sang the song. As I sang the lyrics “I love You/I love You”, deep down I told God, “Lord, I really want to love You with all I am.”
From 6th to 8th June, I went for the Bible Trail night sessions. The speaker spoke about trials and tribulations and I really felt like God meant it for me. The week after that, I went for Church Camp 2005. Before the camp, knowing that this was the last in this series of events, I boldly asked God to give me something during this camp that would really change my life forever. During the Church Camp, the speaker taught us about the Lord’s Prayer, and through that teaching, I realised how personal and intimate God wants to be with us. Later on in the camp, we had a Night of Prayer where we came before God just to be still and to listen to Him. As I was still before God, the lyrics of the chorus of the song “Forever” came to me, and deep down, I wished that God would tell me that He loved me. However, I didn’t feel anything, and as some of the church people shared about what God had told them, I began to feel that my wish would not be granted as it was something I should already know. Then our speaker came up last, and he told us that God wanted him to tell all of us, “You are precious to Me. I love you.”
Tears welled up in my eyes, but I fought back as I didn’t want to cry there. After we dispersed, I looked for someone to talk to, and finding no one, I went by myself to sit on a rock beside a nearby lagoon. As I thought back to what had just happened earlier, I broke down, deeply touched and grateful that God would grant this wish. I sat on the rock for quite long, praying and singing worship songs, and the whole time I couldn’t stop crying. I knew that the wish I had made before the camp had also been granted and that my life and my spiritual walk would never be the same again.
Later on, in July 2005, some church people were giving out baptism forms, encouraging others to get baptised. Somehow, I felt that I wasn’t ready yet as I felt that God had other things to show me first. And He did. He helped me to look back on the problems that I had gone through, and He showed me that I needed to help in preventing others from facing the same difficulties. As I went through NS, I talked to God whenever I encountered problems, knowing that there was nothing I could hide from Him. He became my source of accountability. He also became my mentor and revealed to me areas in my life to change and to work on. Over time, as I trusted God and surrendered to Him, He slowly changed my life and revealed much to me.
In November 2005, God taught me to have faith in prayers. Many times before and during the Newcomer’s Party, the rain stopped the moment we prayed. In December 2005, through the Youth Camp, God reminded me that only what He thinks of me really counts and not to be affected by others’ opinions of me. He also reminded me of the extent of His love that He showed through the cross. At the start of 2006, God showed me my lack of commitment and I decided to live this year with more commitment for what He has given me to do. In January, I also had my own personal “retreat” in camp, during which I committed my new Spiritual Covenant and re-committed the Servant-Leader’s Covenant. Later on, during one service, God reminded me that all the love and comfort that He had showered on me, I deserved none of it, and only by His grace did He do all this for me. I felt deeply grateful for all He had done.
My Christian walk has been an interesting journey filled with joys and pains. Yet, God has guided me through and led me to this stage of baptism. As I continue to walk with God, I pray that my love for Him will continue to grow, that He will continue to draw me closer to Him, and may all I do be pleasing to Him. I pray that even after this baptism, my love for Him will not grow dim, but that He will continue to draw me closer to Him, and may all I do be pleasing to Him.
My first exposure to Christianity was in Secondary 1, when a Secondary 4 student brought me to a church gathering. However, he didn’t have time to follow up with me, so it came to nothing. Later on, around Secondary 2 or 3, my sister came to Christ and encouraged me to start going to church, but at that time my heart was closed. Around Secondary 3 or 4, I had some family problems, and at the same time I was feeling quite lonely in school as everybody in school had friends that they could be with, while I was alone most of the time. I had no close friends, I had difficulty finding groups for group work and I felt like an outcast in class. I needed people to talk to yet could find no one. I felt so alone that I would often secretly cry and at times I did feel like life was pointless. Over time, I developed an emotional barrier, confining all my stress and problems within me. However, I remembered what others had told me about how powerful God is and I vowed that if God could give me close friends, I would become a Christian.
When I entered NJC in 2003, I found some new friends in JC 1, and 2 of these friends tried sharing the gospel to me, but my heart was still closed. While in JC1, I applied for Student Council and House Representatives, hoping to find close friends. However, my failure to get into both deeply affected me and I felt really saddened, disappointed and upset. It was during this time that some of these friends stood by me and encouraged me continually over the few months that it took for me to recover from these setbacks. I began to realise that I had found some close friends whom I could really count on. In July 2003, God began reminding me of my vow. I spoke to one of my friends who had tried sharing the gospel with me, and on 20th July 2003, she brought me to The Bible Church, Singapore. It was the start of a new journey. I learned that my reason for coming to Christ wasn’t “correct”, but I realised that God had meant it so. I was also quite amazed that some of the youths had quite a strong love for God, and wondered how they could love Him so much when they couldn’t even see Him.
In December 2003, during the Youth Camp, I realised I had strayed away from God, and rededicated my life to Him. I was also involved in preparation for Watch Night and God touched me with a song “Lord I Offer My Life”, a song that somehow felt really meaningful to me. In March the next year, the youths had a Street Evangelism which I was feeling extremely nervous about. On the day before the activity, one of my JC friends brought me to her church for some youth service. During the service, I went to the front to kneel down. Suddenly, I felt a very strong uncontrollable shivering, and at the same time, I felt a powerful reassurance. I knew that God was giving me comfort for the Street Evangelism on the next day.
Some time later in 2004, my friend stopped joining the youths, which saddened me a little. In September 2004, I was feeling quite stressed over the upcoming ‘A’ Levels. I wanted to talk to someone around my age. However, I couldn’t find someone whom I could talk to. It was then that I began to realise my lack of close friends among the youths. Later on, my parents stopped me from going to church for some time as they wanted me to focus on studying for the ‘A’ Levels. I left church feeling rather stressed.
When I came back in December, God taught me through the Youth Camp about what it meant to truly have faith and trust in Him. I began to realise my lack of faith in Him. Later on, during the Servant-Leader’s Retreat, I committed myself through the Servant-Leader’s Covenant to living out a more godly life.
However, the problems were far from over. I still couldn’t find close friends among the youths, and entering NS in January 2005 without being able to find accountability in camp made it worse. From January to May 2005, my faith gradually tumbled. I felt quite alone, and as I was still having family problems, I couldn’t find anyone to talk to. I cried to God many times in my loneliness. I began to wonder why God had brought me here and why I had to suffer so much pain. There were times again when I did feel that living on was pointless since I had come to know God already. During this period, I saw several youths leave the church and often wondered if I would end up like them.
Around late April to early May 2005, I was so overcome by loneliness and the lack of close friends that I was struggling with myself whether I should stay in church. On 15th May 2005, I decided that I couldn’t take the pain anymore and wanted to leave. I still remember that during the Senior Youth teaching, at one point of time, I stopped listening to the teacher, and just took a look around at all the youths. I wondered if any of them knew that it would be my last week in church, or so I thought. Later on in the day, though, I spoke to some of the youth leaders, including one who had left church before. They encouraged me to stay on, and I did. However, I didn’t know what was going to keep me going. I never expected what God was about to do.
During the May Prayer Meeting, we had a devotion in which we were asked a lot about how much we trusted in God. I realised that I still barely trusted God. After that, we sang the song “You Alone”. As I sang the first 2 lines “You are the peace that guards my heart/My strength in times of need”, I realised how meaningless and untrue these lines were to me as my trust, my peace and my strength lay in friendships, not in God. During the song, as I made this realisation, I knelt down and I broke down. Later on, one of the youth leaders took me out to talk to me. That night, I asked God to give me a genuine faith that depended on and trusted in Him alone.
On 4th June 2005, our church had a 100% Praise and Worship event. God touched me with 2 songs, “Jesus Lover of My Soul” and “Forever”. I was especially touched by the song “Forever” and cried as I sang the song. As I sang the lyrics “I love You/I love You”, deep down I told God, “Lord, I really want to love You with all I am.”
From 6th to 8th June, I went for the Bible Trail night sessions. The speaker spoke about trials and tribulations and I really felt like God meant it for me. The week after that, I went for Church Camp 2005. Before the camp, knowing that this was the last in this series of events, I boldly asked God to give me something during this camp that would really change my life forever. During the Church Camp, the speaker taught us about the Lord’s Prayer, and through that teaching, I realised how personal and intimate God wants to be with us. Later on in the camp, we had a Night of Prayer where we came before God just to be still and to listen to Him. As I was still before God, the lyrics of the chorus of the song “Forever” came to me, and deep down, I wished that God would tell me that He loved me. However, I didn’t feel anything, and as some of the church people shared about what God had told them, I began to feel that my wish would not be granted as it was something I should already know. Then our speaker came up last, and he told us that God wanted him to tell all of us, “You are precious to Me. I love you.”
Tears welled up in my eyes, but I fought back as I didn’t want to cry there. After we dispersed, I looked for someone to talk to, and finding no one, I went by myself to sit on a rock beside a nearby lagoon. As I thought back to what had just happened earlier, I broke down, deeply touched and grateful that God would grant this wish. I sat on the rock for quite long, praying and singing worship songs, and the whole time I couldn’t stop crying. I knew that the wish I had made before the camp had also been granted and that my life and my spiritual walk would never be the same again.
Later on, in July 2005, some church people were giving out baptism forms, encouraging others to get baptised. Somehow, I felt that I wasn’t ready yet as I felt that God had other things to show me first. And He did. He helped me to look back on the problems that I had gone through, and He showed me that I needed to help in preventing others from facing the same difficulties. As I went through NS, I talked to God whenever I encountered problems, knowing that there was nothing I could hide from Him. He became my source of accountability. He also became my mentor and revealed to me areas in my life to change and to work on. Over time, as I trusted God and surrendered to Him, He slowly changed my life and revealed much to me.
In November 2005, God taught me to have faith in prayers. Many times before and during the Newcomer’s Party, the rain stopped the moment we prayed. In December 2005, through the Youth Camp, God reminded me that only what He thinks of me really counts and not to be affected by others’ opinions of me. He also reminded me of the extent of His love that He showed through the cross. At the start of 2006, God showed me my lack of commitment and I decided to live this year with more commitment for what He has given me to do. In January, I also had my own personal “retreat” in camp, during which I committed my new Spiritual Covenant and re-committed the Servant-Leader’s Covenant. Later on, during one service, God reminded me that all the love and comfort that He had showered on me, I deserved none of it, and only by His grace did He do all this for me. I felt deeply grateful for all He had done.
My Christian walk has been an interesting journey filled with joys and pains. Yet, God has guided me through and led me to this stage of baptism. As I continue to walk with God, I pray that my love for Him will continue to grow, that He will continue to draw me closer to Him, and may all I do be pleasing to Him. I pray that even after this baptism, my love for Him will not grow dim, but that He will continue to draw me closer to Him, and may all I do be pleasing to Him.
posted by Guangrong at
9:38 pm
